he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
