she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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