I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
