Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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