Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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