I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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