I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Four minutes until I can fart!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
