bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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