Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
