I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
