He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
