I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
jump out the window naked night went bad
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