8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
