she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
