Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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