she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
