There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The beer is more important than you right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
