i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
