1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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