it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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