You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
