She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
