It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
