i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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