I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
