My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize