And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
