Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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