Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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