My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
