he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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