i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got inside last night via doggy door
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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