i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
