That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
