I'm so fucking centered right now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
