we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
