So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
