just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
