Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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