You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
