My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
