The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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