i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
