I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
