My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
