Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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