Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
