After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
