Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
