You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
