I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
