I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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