Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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