I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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