just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
