Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
