I CAN MOONWALK!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
