help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
