At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
