What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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