please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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