Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
