Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
