when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
