one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
