So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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