I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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