I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
