Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Mom said you looked used
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The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Boobs speak an international language.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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