i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
