Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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