hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
