Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize