Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
