I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
