Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
