i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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