it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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