and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
