I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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