its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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