ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
